Available NOW to Barnett Shale residents: Earthquake Proof PORTABLE Door Frames

by TXsharon on October 1, 2012

in earthquakes, satire

NOW AVAILABLE!!!

TO BARNETT SHALE RESIDENTS

 * * *

PORTABLE
EARTHQUAKE PROOF
DOOR FRAMES!!!

* * * 

Everyone knows that the safest place to be during an earthquake is under a door frame.

Now, for the first time ever…

Portable, earthquake proof door frames !!!

Be the first in your Barnett Shale neighborhood!!!

Own your very own portable, earthquake proof door frame!

God gave us Fracking to keep Americans safe FOR 100 YEARS  from the Axes of Evil. Texas are not about to let a few hundred earthquakes stop us from our God given right of fracking!

We spit in the eye of cumulative effects!

AND

WE hereby declare FRACKQUAKES an official sport in Texas!

  • No longer shall we worry about saving birds from those hideous, slaughtering windmills!
  • We shall not shiver in darkness as the sun moves to the other side of earth and worthless solar panels sit idle.
You can own your very own 

PORTABLE FRACKQUAKE PROOF DOOR FRAME

for four EASY payments of only 

$20.05 each 

BUT HURRY!!!

SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED!!!

To Order Your Very Own

PORTABLE FRACKQUAKE PROOF DOOR FRAME

email:  Joe.Camel@frack_quack.com

Order in the next hour and receive a SECOND

PORTABLE FRACKQUAKE PROOF DOOR FRAME

ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!

Fort Worth residents are eligible for additional discounts!

Enter the code  REKCUS  to receive 

NOT ONE

NOT TWO

BUT THREE

PORTABLE FRACKQUAKE PROOF DOOR FRAMES!!!

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

shakylady October 1, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I’d like some wrinkle cream and an inhaler to go with that, please.

Reply

TXsharon October 1, 2012 at 9:45 pm

For a limited time only we can offer you a case of inhalers for those rare occurrences when Joe Camel releases a small amount of gas in your neighborhood. But don’t delay! You must act today!!!

Reply

shakylady October 1, 2012 at 9:56 pm

That’s a deal I just can’t refuse. It seems like my kids keep sucking those inhalers like they were free or somethin’. Every time they go outside to play, they grab an inhaler as they slam the door (I keep them in a fruit bowl by the door with the epi-pen). But I really would like some wrinkle cream, too, if you could spare some. Oh, do you think I could get Mr. Camel’s autograph?

Reply

TXsharon October 1, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Sorry, the wrinkle cream offer has expired. But we do have a supply of Joe Camel West Nile Free Dung-er-ree Cream.

Reply

shakylady October 1, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Darn. I just don’t seem to have any luck any more. I couldn’t find any reviews of Mr. Camel’s cream on the Internet. Tell me the truth. Is it any good? I’ve really gotten some pretty deep wrinkles since I moved to the Barnett Shale.

TXsharon October 1, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Joe Camel says it will give you skin like a baby, cure halitosis and flatulence. You know Joe wouldn’t lie. Would you like a case of special, throat coating cigarettes with that?

shakylady October 1, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I don’t know. Something just don’t sound right here. My mama always told me if something sounds too good to be true, then more than likely it isn’t true. I think I’ll go inhale and sleep on this,

Reply

TXsharon October 1, 2012 at 11:02 pm

This deal is like found money! All you have to do is BEND OVER and pick up some of that special Dung-er-ree Cream. It will make all your dreams come true.

But, don’t tell your neighbors that I made you this offer because I’m not authorized to offer special Dung-er-ree Cream to everyone. If you don’t sign up by midnight, you are going to lose out.

Reply

shakylady October 1, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Why would you offer it to me and not somebody else? My neighbors have got it worse than me. Course, they don’t have to buy propane for their bar-b-que’s any more — they just slap a grill over the kitchen sink and light the faucet. The kids love roasting marshmallows like that, too, but I digress. Just can’t seem to focus any more, don’t know why. I think I’m gonna have to pass on this one. But thank you. I genuinely appreciate all you’re doin’ for the folks here.

Reply

WCGasette October 2, 2012 at 12:23 am

Is this the only color?

Reply

kim Feil October 2, 2012 at 9:40 am

my mother-in-law says her new door dropped at the same time of the quake and now cannot open it without lifting up on it

Reply

Dory October 2, 2012 at 11:21 am

What a wonderful idea for Christmas presents! Do you drop ship? Add wheels to it for easier portability when out for a walk or shopping!

Reply

GhostBlogger October 2, 2012 at 3:19 pm

THIS JUST IN:

Unusual Dallas Earthquakes Linked to Fracking, Expert Says

http://news.yahoo.com/unusual-dallas-earthquakes-linked-fracking-expert-says-181055288.html

Reply

GhostBlogger October 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2012/10/01/irving-residents-quickly-point-finger-at-fracking-for-quakes/

“UT Dallas Geologist John Ferguson says water injecting gas wells are behind the increase. He points to a recent report by SMU and the University of Texas which studied 11 earthquakes in North Texas between 2008 and 2009 and concluded that ‘it seems likely that fluid injection induced’ the tremors.”

Reply

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