In a move that is sure to frack Wall Street, Chesapeake Energy has changed its name to “Chinapeake Energy” re-incorporated in the Caymans and obtained a new listing symbol on the stock exchange FRK U. In an early morning announcement, Chesapeake’s chairman has been replaced by Mr. Fra Kin Ho of Beijing and Las Vegas. Shares traded down in after-hours trading as wet gas prices began their swan dive into the dumper. Mr. Ho began his career in China’s lucrative if somewhat controversial body parts harvesting trade before diversifying into fracking. Mr. Ho commented with a wry smile on the transition. “Frack liver. Frack shale. All same. Good money.”
Letters were sent out to landowners who have leased to Chesapeake. An advance copy obtained by Reuters had this to say about the transition:
“Welcome Americans Gaseous Partners for Progress and Prosperity
We come in peace and tranquility to harvest you gaseous parts for all
America has a 100 year supply of clean, renewable, glorious gaseous parts
We share harvest, OK ?
Here are some new terms of you lease :
“frack us first OK ?” 美国天然气井
“farce majeur in effect” 有一个愉快的一天
“Energy in Depth still in charge of propaganda” 深入能量
“Watch Truthland, learn Truth, OK? 美国天然气井
“you lease been sold” 你已售出
“Water taste like tiger prawn” 美国天然气井
“please, no MSG in my frack fluid” 你已售出
“Have a nice day, OK ?” 地主
Mr. Fra Kin Ho
In a related development, the New York DEC indicated that advance copies of the proposed SGEIS shale gas regs. were being furiously translated into Mandarin. “We don’t want to propose anything the big bosses in Beiking won’t go for”, a DEC spokesperson said furtively, as she hurriedly copied the Compulsory Integration regulations into chinese. With a sigh,”Even though Chesapeake wrote this stuff.” When pressed on what she thought of the transaction, the harried DEC staffer admitted, “I suppose anything is better than those neolithic thugs from Texas and Oklahoma. . . .”
When asked to comment on the sale, the Mayor of Mayberry, New York, Willy Frackham, had this to say, “Hey, we’re leased to Chesapeake, so we knew we were gonna get fracked by somebody. Mayberry passed a Frack Us First resolution, so now I guess we have to go back and get it translated into Chinese, so they know to frack us first. We wouldn’t want the Chinese to frack Colesville, Bath or Van Etten before they fracked us. Fair is fair.”
The new owners of Chinapeake may find themselves getting hungry an hour after they’ve bought it when they read the new reserve reports that were not “made as paid” by Chesapeake’s reserve engineers.
Chesapeake Reserves Doubted
An independent research firm called into question the size of
Chesapeake Energy Corp.’s proved reserves of oil and natural gas, an
important metric institutional investors use to value energy
producers, in a report published this week.
The report, by ITG Investment Research, comes as controversy continues
to swirl around Oklahoma City based Chesapeake, the nation’s second
largest producer of natural gas after Exxon Mobil Corp. The company,
which has been battered by decade-low prices for its main product, has
been selling assets to stave off liquidity problems. Shareholders have
forced the company’s board to replace several directors and to appoint
an independent chairman to replace co-founder Aubrey McClendon, who
remains chief executive and chief fracking shill.
Chesapeake’s Financial Web Complicates Notion of Sale
The report zeroed in on reserves in the Barnett and Haynesville shale
formations in Texas and Louisiana, which make up 42% of the gas the
company estimates is in fields it owns. ITG calculated reserves for
Chesapeake’s developed wells in that region at 2.8 trillion cubic
feet, 70% of the amount estimated by a third-party engineering firm
for Chesapeake’s 2011 annual report. That difference accounts for
approximately 12% of what Chesapeake estimates is left in all of its
So after they buy Chesapeake, they may buy Range Resources and Cabot, to get more of “America’s 100 year supply of clean, beautiful, sweet smelling natural gas” to heat tea in China.