BREAKING: Tina Fey impersonates Railroad Commissioner Jones

Lipstick on Pig

It appears the gifted comedian, writer and producer Tina Fey, who became famous for her impersonations of Sarah Palin, is taking on Texas Railroad Commissioner Elizabeth Ames Jones who has decided to run for US Senate. Chairman comes to defense of oil and gas drillers is so well done I almost thought it was for real.

Some of the quotes reflect the typical out-of-touch with reality Jones who invests heavily in pig lipstick. We all know she has “complete confidence in the testing process of the Railroad Commission of Texas.” Maybe she thinks sticking a finger in a puddle of liquid and licking it is a fine testing method but most landowners and water drinkers reject that kind of good-old-boy science.

But this part, it’s just a touch nutty even for Jones. My comments are in brackets.

“This is the greatest show on Earth – and we get to watch it,” Jones said during a recent interview in her Austin office, where she displays black-and-white photographs of her father and grandfather, both Texas oilmen.

[Referring to the contamination of people’s drinking water and air as a great show you “get to watch” is too callous even for the air-headed Jones. I can picture Fey delivering that line wearing a blond wig while eating popcorn.]

“So far, some of the local people, their claims are not backed up by scientists – real scientists,” she said.

[This is where the skit will cut to a clip of Tim Ruggiero watching while the Railroad investigator sticks his finger in the spill liquid and licks it. You betcha! That’s a real scientist.]

“Everybody has a voice, but they’re not going to abuse a process to grandstand. Texans ought to come down real hard on people who abuse a bully pulpit to make false claims.”

[This is where the skit will flash to a clip of Jones standing behind her bully pulpit saying it is “impossible for fracking to contaminate water.”]

This piece is so well written it even includes quotes from Scott Anderson of EDF and landowner Tim Ruggiero. One of the best laughs came when Jones offers to “help” the EPA by consulting.

But I knew this was a parody when I read this quote:

“The statute says: ‘prevention of waste and the safety of Texans,'” she said. “Prevention of waste – that means you cannot leave it in the ground if it can come up.”

You betcha! [winks]

That’s some great writing, Tina. I’m looking forward to more of the same and you in a blond wig during the US Senate race.

About Sharon Wilson

Sharon Wilson is considered a leading citizen expert on the impacts of shale oil and gas extraction. She is the go-to person whether it’s top EPA officials from D.C., national and international news networks, or residents facing the shock of eminent domain and the devastating environmental effects of natural gas development in their backyards.


  1. Tad Ghost Hole says

    “The Environmental Protection Agency’s congressionally mandated probe is set to conclude with a final report in 2014 and an interim one at the end of 2012, with some other, unscheduled updates.” WHAT?! I thought the report would be finished at the end of 2012?!?

    In the words of the Apes from Spaceballs, “Oh shit, there goes the planet.”

    By 2014 they will be so entrenched in America no amount of sound science will stop them. I have lost all faith in the EPA, I’m sorry but it doesn’t take 3 or 4 years to conclude that none of this is safe. I’m not a scientist and simply through news publications (which most of the time are biased and sugar coat things for the industry) and documentary films I have learned enough to conclude none of this is safe. And I’m sure by 2014 EPA loathing republicans will be in power and choose to completely ignore whatever findings come from the study, in the interest of National Security. The EPA under Obama had their chance and they completely blew it.

  2. Mike H. says

    Well, let Commissioner Jones buy Tim Ruggiero’s property, at a profit to him, and move onto it. FYI, There may be no safe levels of lead or arsenic!

  3. FrackingCrazy says


    Yes, we’ve known since February the report won’t be done until 2014. The important part of the report, about the negative health impacts related to gas drilling and also, the identifying of the ‘unknown’ chemicals. Yeah, I read it, the whole damn paper.

    Let’s think of this realistically;
    2014 rolls around, and then, we have to consider all the time it takes to actually get any legislation passed or do anything about all the grand problems that come with horizontal hydraulic fracturing…

    Gas Patch Folks are screwed.