- 6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
- 6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance to George W. Bush
- 6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights
- 6:45 PM Salute to the Project for the New American Century
- 6:46 PM Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary?”
- 7:30 PM Announcement: Mark Foley Was a Closet Democrat
- 7:35 PM Trent Lott – “Re-Segregation in the 21st Century”
- 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner
- 8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
- 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
- 8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
- 8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
- 8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
- 9:00 PM Dennis Hastert leads discussion: How to Shirk Responsibility and Get Away with It
- 9:05 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on “Why Women Shouldn’t Be Leaders”
- 9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
- 9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
- 10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Pat Robertson
- 10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: How to Commit Perjury and Obstruction of Justice and Get Away with It
- 10:35 PM George W. Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare
- 10:40 PM John Ashcroft: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
- 10:45 PM GOP’s Tribute to Tokenism, Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice and Alberto Gonzales
- 10:46 PM Ann Coulter’s Tribute “Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot”
- 10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation’s Economy
- 11:10 PM Dick Cheney leads discussion: How to Shoot People, Cover It Up, and Get Away with It
- 11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
- 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
- 11:35 PM Blame Bill Clinton
- 11:40 PM Twice-Divorced Newt Gingrich speaks on “The Sanctity of Marriage”
- 11:41 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
- 11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
- 12:00 PM Nomination of GW Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
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About Sharon Wilson
Sharon Wilson is considered a leading citizen expert on the impacts of shale oil and gas extraction. She is the go-to person whether it’s top EPA officials from D.C., national and international news networks, or residents facing the shock of eminent domain and the devastating environmental effects of natural gas development in their backyards.
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