Fantasy-league New Year’s Resolutions for George W. Bush
* Lose the fake Texas accent once and for all.
*Come clean on the National Guard past and apologize to Dan Rather.
*Watch An Inconvenient Truth all the way through ten times.
*Take a long walk, alone, in Arlington Cemetery.
*Repudiate publicly the hateful smear tactics of Karl Rove.
* Close Gitmo.
* Pay attention to the polls; they are the voice of the people that employ you.
* Realize that you are a PUBLIC SERVANT, not king.
* Repudiate publicly the vicious politics of homophobia.
* Come clean on all of the lies leading up to the Iraq War.
* Work harder.
* Stop blaming everyone else.
* Learn the difference between Sunnis and Shiites.
* Read the U.S. Constitution.
* Read the Geneva Conventions.
* Bring the troops home.
* Take a long walk, alone, in New Orleans’ Lower 9th Ward.
* Stop illegal governmental surveillance and eavesdropping.
* Find effective ways to improve the security of our ports and borders.
* Let go of the delusion that history will somehow vindicate a failed presidency.
* Think about resigning (call it preempting impeachment).
* Admit that you’re back on the sauce.
* Gain 3 lbs. Between your ears.
* Throw a bridal shower for Condi’s marriage to Satan.
* Eliminate the practice of presidential signing statements and nullify those you have already written.
* Go hunting with Dick Cheney.
About Sharon Wilson
Sharon Wilson is considered a leading citizen expert on the impacts of shale oil and gas extraction. She is the go-to person whether it’s top EPA officials from D.C., national and international news networks, or residents facing the shock of eminent domain and the devastating environmental effects of natural gas development in their backyards.
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